100w lightbulb

so i realized something about myself today..i'm not to sure on how i feel about it..jury is still out but i wanted to share...and well..that's what you guys are for..right?

i had caseload update with my team leader today, we meet every couple of weeks to go over the referrals i have, what stage of the process i'm in, what i'm doing with the people etc. its also a good time to chat about issues i may have, concerns....that sorta thing. so anyway i have a referral for a large group..and this group is..let's just say immature and outta control. the group leader is having some difficulty getting the group focused. cryptic i know but i can't have my stalker knowing to much about me. to much info just sends him into a frenzy and than its changing phone numbers and moving and alot of hassle "you do know i'm kidding..right?"

anyway...so i'm putting this whole program together and i'm excited about it. i like to individualize my programs to fit the need rather than just grabbing any old thing off the shelf. so my team leader takes a look at it and asks me "what will these people get out of it at the end of this lesson?" and you know what? i couldn't really answer her. i had crammed so much stuff into the lesson that i didn't know what its primary objective was anymore. so i started listing all the things i thought the lesson would provide..which was a very long list and she stopped me and asked me another question "what is the target behaviour you want to change?" simple enough question considering that's what i do for a career..but no..not simple. i realized that i was trying to teach these people too much..all at once. i was trying to rebuild these people..change the way they think on so many levels i lost sight of what i really wanted to accomplish.

boyfriend and i had a discussion the other night that is kinda along the same lines. i have the opinion that the big picture is made up of small things..boyfriend thinks that the big picture is just that..the big picture. now at the time i disagreed 100% but now i'm not so sure. i am not admitting to anything but today made me rethink my stand.

am i doing to my relationship, the same thing i'm doing to my work? trying to focus on a zillion different things at once and not getting anywhere? spending so much time worrying about all those little things that i can't control and trying to control them all at once and losing my mind in the process? could i be doing that? could i have lost sight of what it is i want to accomplish in the relationship? " now go easy on me boyfriend..this just might be a Revelation and i'm in a delicate state."

so as soon as that 100w light bulb went off in my head..i hopped right onto my email and sent my team leader a message...asking for help. and then as soon as the bulb blinked on again " it took abit longer to put it all tgether..i am blond ya know>" i decided to write this blog coz boyfriend is at work and it would be to much to text and i know he'll read this on his way home coz he's one of my "fans" so boyfriend "and yes..you will always be referred to as boyfriend in my blogs." NO gloating..no i was right and you were wrong speeches...no nah nah's..no..you should just do what i say coz you know i'm always right stuff either...just remind me of this day when i start to back slide ok..coz you know it will happen and i'll go all cookoo and control freaky and try to micromanage everything to death. "which sometimes i'll need to do that coz i can't just do a 180 lol" ok? "big cheesy smile"