Balancing Act

its been to long

2009-05-27T14:10:00.001-04:00

ok..things have been nuts but i'm coming back. there's so much to tell you..can't wait

chat soon

Auditions

2009-04-16T21:49:00.002-04:00

so i went to some auditions tonight...yup..me. auditioning for a play lol not so unfamiliar though..most of you don't know that i spent a good 5 years pounding out the plays. i directed 3, acted in 4, did make up, props, got on the board of directors. i fully immersed myself into the arts. my parents always told me that i was a ham..but it took me a while to show the rest of the world. i fell in love...the people i did plays with became a family to me. after each play was completed..i was sad. well most of the time. there were a couple of times..oh boy i couldn't get outta there fast enough. but there were some plays that hurt so much when it ended. my first play was the worst. it was the mellville boys by norm foster. i played mary..a jaded, store owner in the middle of boonyville where she grew up all her life. her sister, loretta... on the other hand was not stuck in the sticks. she had dreams of being an actress, big lights big city type. well these two girls end up running into two brothers, owen and lee...off on a male bonding weekend. a time to put all things to rest so to speak. ...you see. lee, was dying. he came on this weekend to make his bother see that he can't be in denial any longer. that he had responsibilities..lee needed owen to take care of his wife and kids after he was gone. owen..didn't want a thing to do with coming to grips, he wanted to live in a world where brothers don't get cancer and die. he was determined to find any form of distraction he could to avoid having THE TALK with lee and loretta was right up his alley. let's just say there were boats, and life jackets. romps in the bedroom, and gut wrenching emotions. there was turnip cake and near beer. and "my frickin husband leaves me..this sucks" (i forgot my line while choking on near beer and chocolate cake and it came out that way. it was close..the audience got the gist)... so anyway, it was by far the best experience i ever had in theatre. the cast was beautiful, we meshed so well. we hung out alot, loretta and owen started a relationship from that play and even had a child together. i was very sad when it ended. i sat in the tub that night, after the wrap up party, thinking that i didn't want to wash off my make up..i didn't want to stop being mary. "sigh"

so anywho..the auditions tonight were on the western campus (university to those who don't know where i live lol) and boy oh boy i sure wish i had had the chance to go to university. just wandering around (mostly coz i couldn't find where the hell i was supposed to go) made me feel all...ummm..its kinda hard to describe. like i missed something maybe? like how cool would it be to sit under that tree with some big book that had lots of big words in it and confused the hell out me. i don't know..cool though. of course i would totally blend right in..not worries bout me lookin like the old gal on campus. i've been blessed with good genes and look far younger than i am. those that know me in "real world time" can attest to the fact that i don't act my real age either. much to their annoyance lol

so the b/f tells me i should go back to school. says that i would love it and really get something out of it but i don't know..thats a lot of money..and who has any of that nowadays. not very many lol but it is something to think about. you don't stop learning till your dead. and you can quote me on that lol

Frickin Frack

2009-03-26T19:31:00.003-04:00

not since i have my C-section have i experienced this kind of pain. so far i have been blessed with a healthy life. never broke anything major or even minor for that matter. couple fingers..a few toes. was really sick as a kid once and a handful of bad flu's and colds as an adult but generally i've been charmed with good health. here's the rub...i was lulled into a sort of complacency...never really believing "until my maker comes for me" that i could or would get seriously hurt. ha..i'm not seriously hurt..just a messed up back but man..it hurts. but its not the pain that prompted this blog..its the feeling of helplessness that is accompanying this minor set back. i can still move around.."like an old women" being careful...sitting gingerly...not twisting..not bending..calling in sick to BOTH jobs. this sucks!

i have always been proud of my physicality..my ability to "bounce back" and i'm not kidding when i say bounce! for those that know and love me..know that i'm a bouncer. just call me tigger..and i'm just about as graceful as tig to. i always have bruises from me "bouncing" off of walls...telephone poles...people. most times i don't even know where half my bumps come from. "its all part of me charm, don'tcha know?" anyway..i digress. my point is..this is not me. i can't do this "injured person act" i can't be this...sad little person that has to lay on the floor with her feet and legs at a 90 degree angle, rocking back and forth to ease the pain. sleeping with a pillow between her legs so it doesn't hurt. frick! i'm so frustrated!

This is NOT me!

A Proclamation

2009-02-28T00:55:00.003-05:00

its time for change and the only one that can do that is me. so here..right now...i promise to be more positive..to be more optimistic..to take each day for what it is and try not to worry about the future so much. i will find the joy again in those little things and share them with you. i will try to find balance in my life and in my soul. i will try to become the person i used to be.

i've been lost..and i need to be found.

Ding Ding..Round Two?

2009-02-09T17:56:00.003-05:00

as most of you know...b/f and i broke up a some weeks ago " i really can't remember if its been 2 weeks or 3..feels like i have lived several lives in this short span of time". so b/f turned into X b/f, roommate guy...because he moved here to be with me and left everything behind him. so we have been living in this weird, confusing, painful surreal situation that continues to become more confusing with each progressing day. for the first little while i tried to stay away, stay late at work, go to the gym, have a hot tub to extend the time, leaving early and getting to work before everyone else "which i have to say..i like. office to myself, i can check my mail, blog, eat breakfast..its great" anyway... it eventually come up "while home at the same time" that i didn't need to give him space coz it hurt no matter if i was here or not. great..so i stopped avoiding going home.."still doing all the samethings i was doing, gym etc but i don't feel like i can't come home now." so its easier. i developed a routine "one of the many coping strategies i use to deal with stress" very predictable, safe. structured. the control freak in me was/is having a really good time. " insert evil laugh here" before to long..X b/f and i started to chat..not about anything important but just stuff. one thing he loves to do..is pepper me with news stories or facts he finds while surfing the net on his iphone. i would add maybe something i had done or heard while at work and it progressed from there. he even apologized at one point for being grumpy.." he was finding it hard not to be angry with me when he was trying to figure out how he was going to get out" things were...ok. " and i mean ok in the terms of..it was still really stressful "
but things changed last week...good news first. he got a job..a crappy, boring job but a job. started last thursday. working 6pm to 2 am. i thought perfect! i don't get home from the gym till 6ish...and i'm gone by 7:30. as ok as it was...well you know. i just explained it. a job will give him his feeling of independence back..,money in his pocket again...feeling of worth and hope. i thought this was the best news ever. now up to training "of which he got home round 11:00" he had been sleeping with me in the bed " now..hold on. just wait till i explain" he tried sleeping out here..but i don't own a couch. i have a chair and a half. i love it! big enough to sprall out in and great for cuddling." i digress...he has a bad back..and he insisted that i not sleep out in the living room so....we shared a bed...and i mean share ONLY...there was a wall between us so big i'm surprised either one of us slept. so..anyway. back to the point. thursday he started sleeping in the living room again. saturday morning i woke up early..had things to do so i hopped in the shower and got ready to leave. when i was done and went out into the living room..he was sitting there and he didn't look good.

we exchanged pleasantries..you know hi...he asked me what i was doing that day..and than asks if we can talk before i went to class. " yeah..sure. everything ok?" of course everything wasn't ok... he said that he was ready now to know why? why we were here..how this came about? so i tried as best i could to explain why i felt i needed to make this decision. for as abundantly positive i am on the outside..i really am rather negative on the inside...i look at it as being prudent, a planner, not negative but most do not. i feel that if you can avoid more pain, and hurt. why shouldn't you? you would jump out of the way for a dumptruck barrelling down on you so why wouldn't jump away from impending heartache? i think that is a very valid question.

but it seems that he doesn't want to move out of the way of that barrelling dumptruck. he is standing firmly in place...no holds barred....he still wants me..still wants to spend his life with me..still wants kids and a house with the white picket fence..the whole shabang! " i personally thinks he must be nuts" he wants to try again...he admits that it may not work but he wants to try. he's even in a place where he's willing go to counselling if i wanted. he believes that there is something worth salvaging here. the question is..do i?

the multitude of thoughts running through my head right now are enough to drive an insane person sane. its nuts. i knew that i had anxiety but wow! could i be thinking of any more ways that this could go wrong or right or nothing at all. can i honestly say that i tried? for me..that is the question. i've spent a number of years...since my heart was broken so completely...wondering if i am capable of trusting that much again..to give myself so completely to someone else that i'll open myself up to being hurt again. is that the reason i am here..in this place now, having dragged b/f with me. no..not totally. he messed up to...admits it freely. its a beginning.

so..do i go for round two and hope for the best? or take the easy path..the one where i can walk away not having risked anything?

Today..everyday?

2009-01-29T08:21:00.003-05:00

here i sit. sitting in the office 45 minutes before i need to be here. i'm here before most teachers, kids for sure and i even pulled in before the principal. its very quiet and the heater is on behind me, making me nice and toasty. like everyday this week i'm here this early because of what's going on at home. its hard to spend time in a small one bedroom apt with someone that alternately looks at like you with sad, hurt, broken eyes and eyes that want to inflict a little, or a lot of pain of their own.

we had a chat last night..we had to. we have to have a plan. i know that he is still reeling from all of this..and no matter how much warning you have..it never seems to be enough. i get it. i understand and i can empathize. i'm a planner and he is not. i get that to. so when i asked him last night what his plan was..how were we going to get this done..this living together till he can move out thing i wasn't surprised "ok, i was sorta surprised" when he didn't have one. no plan. no clues, no ideas on what he was going to do next. now the control freak in me hears that and starts..you guessed it. FREAKING OUT! especially when he just sat there and looked at me with oceans of pain on his face...while i tossed ideas his way. the answer was NO to every suggestion i had. and maybe its to soon to expect anything out of him..i mean. the poor guy has got to be overwhelmed by all this. expecting something good and getting something way worse than he could have dreamed.

now i leave the house at 7:30 am everyday..work..go to the gym..and do my best to stay out of the apt as much as possible. its been working fairly well..but how long will i be able to keep this up? weeks? months? maybe. i've done something similar before, not so close a quarters but similar. i have my part time job and i can ask for more hours..there are classes to take and well hey..i can work on that six pack i've always wanted lol

Dean

2009-01-28T10:29:00.003-05:00

i met dean at the tail end of my last year of collage. i was 20. a girl in my class and i became close and she was dating his roommate dave. he was tall, 6"5, dark, handsome, brooding. gave the impression to any and all, that he was not interested at all in the opposite sex. good show i must say. now..i did NOT take this as a challenge..i had a boyfriend at the time, as absent as he was. so i thought "this guy can send daggers at me if he wants...i don't want him anyway" ha! low and behold..his angst sucked me in and we started dating shortly after my collage bo and i broke up.

things were good. i moved back home, found a job and commuted back and forth on my days off to be with him in Vienna, yes i just said Vienna. teeny tiny little village outside of Tillsonburg. he had his issues, cheating, controlling X girlfriend but i was the opposite to that so i thought.."no worries". we got along, with minor hick ups but no fights. we found common inters ts and one being "time spent in the bedroom" lol go figure. so with this said. 6 months in..i got pregnant. i was semi happy..didn't expect to be starting a family this young but figured we could deal. he on the other hand didn't take it quite so well. he was scared. a confirmed women hater, not only in a relationship..a new one at that but also becoming a dad in short order. he did the right thing though. we made changes. got ready for our arrival with trepidations "who wouldn't?" at 7 months i became concerned that i hadn't been gaining enough weight "6 pounds to be exact" so i stressed to the doc "that something was wrong" and i was sent for tests, ultra sounds etc. we discovered that our little one had something called Potters Syndrome "renal agenesis" in layman's terms..he didn't grow kidney's. so despite everything the doc's could do..our son, gerrald paul died.

now you would think that an experience like this..so soon into a relationship would kill it. the grief and pain would blot out anything that was there before but it wasn't so. dean and i spent another 7.5 years together. the first 5 years were good...great even. we started sailing, man we could put that boat up in no time flat and not even have to say a word. we were in sync. the problem was that the longer we were together, how good we were together..i though it should be time to begin thinking about making things more permanent, maybe try for a family again. he said he felt the same way. yes we'll get married, yes we'll have kids..but after i do this..or do that. soon years were being stolen, with all these things that needed to be done before our lives together, as a family could begin. i started getting resentful. he started getting angry. soon..we weren't speaking much. he was gone from the house for 16 hours a day (various projects) and i began to find my own way. started the gym, started acting in live theatre. we became separate entities. living in the same home, sleeping in the same bed. we were miserable.

finally the year i turned 29 i decided that i had waited long enough for "something" to happen and i called it quits. 8 years of my life..gone. now..its rather dramatic of me to say gone. i have learned to take the good and leave the bad. i grew and experienced so many things with dean. i had a son..my little gerri. he'd be 15 now..weird. i don't regret a single moment so the time really isn't gone. its just..life.

so it was over. i bought the house we lived in from him and we moved on. it was hard..it was liberating..it was scary as all get out but i did it. i was on my way to being truly independent. in charge of my life for the first time ever.

The Long Road To Closure.

2009-01-27T08:23:00.003-05:00

i was driving to work this morning..thinking about chris and me and how we ended up in this place..this dark place...as usual. what else is there right now to think about other than what's going on. but i have to say that my thinking is non productive. it just keeps whirling around..sending insights and questions and doubt pinging off inside my head. its like having a 6 people playing squash inside my melon. now for me that's not a rarity. i generally have a zillion things going on in my head at the same time. lol...you'll now know why sometimes my writing tends to meander. those that know and love me..forgive me this little indiosyncasy.

so..like i said i was driving to work this morning and thought that for your benefit..but selfishly..mostly mine. i thought that i'd start at the beginning. go back a few years. maybe gain some clarity. i don't know if i'll get anything out of it and i'm sure you may be saying "oh crap! i gotta listen to this?" but you never know. and maybe..a once follower, lover, and friend might read it and understand a little better.

Guilt

2009-01-26T08:44:00.004-05:00

and so it is done. its not something i'm happy about, nor proud of. the guilt i feel over this is likely to cause some pretty good scars. now i know most of you would say. "he's a big boy, he makes his own decisions." "he knew what he was getting into, he was fully aware of the nutbar that you are." "did you talk to him?" yes..i talked to him. "told him you didn't feel ready?" yes..i told him wasn't ready. "so?" so..i can't help it. i could have stopped it..no i should have stopped it. but no..i had to drag the boy guy down here..leave everything he knows, his job, his friends, his apartment. for what?..for me to continue to keep him at arms length? for more uncertainty? for more pain? guilt just doesn't seem to cut it when describing what it is i'm feeling. this sick feeling in my stomach, how i can't seem to catch my breath when i think about it. this need to someway..anyway to make things right, but not knowing how or what will do that. its all consuming.

but i have to face facts. nothing will make it right again. the words have been said and the lines have been drawn. i can only hope that he will be able to forgive me for what i have done. it was all done with the best of intentions. what better intention is there than the hopes of love and life, shared with another human being?

Functions Of Behaviour

2009-01-20T07:26:00.001-05:00

Functions Of Problem Behaviour

The Function of GETTING;

★ SOCIAL REINFORCEMENT e.g. response from an adult/peers for calling out
★ A TANGIBLE REINFORCEMENT e.g. access to a preferred activity

The Function of ESCAPE or AVOID;

★ AN AVERSIVE TASK e.g. a difficult, boring or lengthy assignment
★ A SITUATION e.g. social interaction with certain people or events

The Function of BOTH;

★ to GET the attention of adults or peers and to AVOID/ESCAPE a boring lesson

The Function of COMMUNICATION;

★ to COMMUNICATE e.g. that they do not understand the lesson or doesn’t want to speak in front of their peers

Motivating factors for the function can be; internal, external or a combination of both

In Addition;

the person may find engaging in one behaviour to accomplish one purpose may lead to the realization of a completely different function. E.g. a student who fights to escape teasing could find the excitement of the fight reinforcing.

Reinforcement

2009-01-20T07:22:00.002-05:00

Reinforcement
What Is It? And When To Give It?

What Is It?
Reinforcement is a key component when implementing behavioural interventions. Using information gathered from interviews with teachers, school administration, parents and the student/person, Forced Choice Reinforcement Menu, OSR, it can be determined what reinforcers will work best and motivate the person to success.

When To Give It?
Collected data will determine how often the behaviour is exhibited in a certain time period. E.g. Johnny disturbs the class X 2 in a 55 minute period (approx every 30 minutes), which means he should have the opportunity to engage in and be positively reinforced for appropriate behaviour every 15 minutes.

Reinforcers should be changed on a regular basis if the person becomes bored. It is important when choosing reinforcers to think about the amount of reinforcement in relationship to the effort required for the person to receive the reinforcer.

Types Of Reinforcers

Intrinsic: belonging to a thing by nature I.e. pride, positive self talk, drive, motivation
Extrinsic: outside or external I.e. rewards/point systems, praise

“Reinforcer Sampling”

This is a “non-contingent” access to a reinforcer (no stings attached). The person is allowed to participate in a (highly preferred activity, receive something they have never had before) with the understanding that they must exhibit the behaviour in order to receive the reward again.

“Successive Approximations”

Sometimes the changes will be difficult or to dramatic to expect all at once so “approximations” of exhibited appropriate behaviour should be reinforced

“Fading”

Fading or gradually replacing extrinsic (external reinforcers) with intrinsic or (natural/inward reinforcers). The process of transition can begin with pairing both extrinsic and intrinsic reinforcers together E. g. David receives points for completing work but receives praise and increased self esteem knowing he’s improving.

Maintaining Positive Behaviour

To be successful with any behavioural intervention it takes the willingness and ability of the student to continue to use the strategies with minimal outside support. This means that it is our jobs to teach the student strategies that can be used to maintain the new behaviour. Maintenance is the lasting over time even when the extrinsic reinforcers have been faded as well as making sure that the student can use these strategies in other appropriate settings, generalization. Here are several ways to use generalization.

Restructure the social environment to benefit from the power of peer relationships to promote positive behaviour. With the use of natural consequence of being with and having friends the positives will be reinforced.

Cognitive mediation: thinking through a situation before acting on emotion.
* self talk - talking themselves through a situation
* self cueing - recognizing when they are upset, tense
* self monitoring - counting the frequency and duration of their own behaviour
* self evaluating - comparing changes in behaviour to determine progress
* self reinforce - give themselves the rewards when criteria has been reached
* self advocacy - promoting their own recognition to the positive changes in their behaviour

The success of these strategies may depend on providing the student with “booster” or refresher. Review the “plan” with the student to reconfirm goals and tweak the plan as necessary.

Supports

2009-01-20T07:20:00.001-05:00

Types Of Supports

People that can help to support the person;

Peers, who may provide academic supports through tutoring or conflict-resolutions activities, thereby fulfilling the student’s need for attention in appropriate ways;

Families, who may provide support though, for example, setting up a homework centre in the home and developing a homework schedule, or by positively reinforcing their child’s appropriate behaviour in school;

Teachers and paraprofessional, who may provide both academic and curricular modifications to address and decrease a student’s desire to avoid academically challenging situations;

Language specialists, who are able to increase a child’s expressive and receptive language skills, thereby providing the child with alternative ways to respond to stressful situations;

Other school staff, including custodians, cafeteria works, or volunteers with who people sometimes feel more comfortable;

Community agency service providers, including mental health, juvenile justice, Big Brother or Sister organizations, or other agency personnel who are involved in providing broad-based and long term student and family interventions and support;

Other organizations, such as churches, religious groups, cultural/ethnic organizations, YMCA or YWCA, recreation centres, and others, which can be quite influential and therapeutic

It is important to realize that in some instances, for biological or other reasons, a person may not be able to control their behaviour without supports.

Vent Vent Sigh

2009-01-19T20:49:00.003-05:00

it really amazes me how much of your self esteem is tied up in your work. .your job..the life blood that is supposed to fill you with joy, and pride, and feelings of self worth can turn around and slap you upside the head and send you screaming into a fit of anger, frustration and self deprecating remarks in a heart beat. "why?" i mean really...why? why do we do this to ourselves? you know that you have done your best...busted your arse even and yet still..those thoughts come flooding in. alternating between....what did i do wrong? what could i have done better? rethinking every encounter, every meeting, every casual conversation in the hall or staff room. desperately trying to put it all together, find the flaw. and if your not thinking about how much you suck..your thinking "who the hell do they think they are?" "they should be looking at themselves before they start pointing fingers." righteous indignation...rehashing all the trials and tribulations that you have had to deal for months...the lack of respect for your work and professionalism..wanting to walk in and yell all the indignities you have been forced to endure in their faces.

"will this help?" nope..not even a little. "so what to do?" my suggestion is to stop thinking about it..let it ride and see how it all plays out. the fat lady has not sung..no one has kicked the bucket..the hot, brooding cowboy hasn't ridden off into the sunset and tomorrow is another day :)

p.s. thanks

For Better or Worse..I'm Back.

2009-01-15T17:10:00.003-05:00

i know..i have been neglectful...no..i've been beyond neglectful and i'm sorry. its been almost a month since i made my ritual verbal purge on here and i feel crappy about leaving you all hangin. i feel like i've let you guys down..my followers and general random blog readers. but most of all and for selfish reasons of my own. i missed the escape..the honesty and the feeling of release when i spill my proverbial guts to a bunch of strangers and friends. it just feels good. "so why did you stop?" you ask. well..it just sorta happened...scuffing foot and looking at the ground. no..to be honest..i'm a big fan of honest. the boyfriend "previously posted about" and i moved in together in the middle of december. things did not go well. oh no..the move was fine..no hic ups..weather was ok..cold but not terrible. the truck was good..traffic was good. the move was good. everything is good..right? no..its what happened after the move that caused me to stop blogging. for some odd..total unknown reason....the minute the last of his stuff was moved in..we lost all ability to communicate effectively with each other. don't get me wrong..we had our problems before this but communicating didn't seem to one of them.

now..you would think that blogging would be the perfect way to release pent up frustration and confusion but the boyfriend receives emails when i create a new post...and of course can access it at anytime via the net. so you see my dilemma. "how to post what i'm feeling, release my frustration and confusion and still make it PC enough for the boyfriend to read?"

so i didn't write

i didn't release that frustration

and i'm still confused..very, very confused

so maybe blogging about it is the key. maybe spilling my guts here might have a positive effect on what's been going on. maybe..and i know there's alot of maybe's i'm not listing but maybe..things just might get better. don't know..but i'll keep you posted. :)

Short and sweet

2008-12-17T21:21:00.003-05:00

so sorry that it has been while since my last post and i don't have a lot of time right now the boyfriend moved in and its been a bit chaotic round here to say the least. i did want to say hi and let you know i'll do a major purge soon. have fun,,cheers s

Ok? Am I Cursed Or Sumptin?

2008-12-11T19:25:00.003-05:00

my day began like usual..no problems with ice or snow. rolling to work on time..kicked total arse in a meeting today..ran my groups..saw my individual kids..all in all a pretty good day till i got to the office. for some reason..i have no clue why but when i booted up my puter...everything was gone..well all my stuff was. don't worry..i'm anything if organized and its backed up..so no worries there but all my favs..like 2 pages of awesome websites...i mean great sites where i can access free programs..topics i've been researching for months..wipped out..gone...disappeared. adios moo-chacho's...this sucks huge! i'll never be able to track them all down. frick!

but it gets worse..i just logged on to here for the first time today...looking foreword to reading The Unhappy Waitress...or Good Girl Goes Blog but all the blogs i'm following are..you guessed it...gone...what the heck is going on? i mean...did i contract some kind of virus that messes with my computers. is this some kinda sign that i spend to much time behind my desk? well stop it! "stomp" so now i must hunt my blogger friends down to. i hate technology sometimes. *huff and sigh"

Can you say..stupid car..stupid weather?

2008-12-10T22:46:00.002-05:00

it rained yesterday...it rained like the second flood was on its way...it was wet, soggy, cold, damp, slip splash slushy weather. and when you mix a day of rain with a night of below freezing temps..you get ice. duh?..so much for the science lesson. of course i didn't even think about that when i left the house at my usual time this morning..i did however realize rather quickly when i couldn't get my car door open. great! so i tug and pull and pound around the edges of the door..hoping it will dislodge some of the ice.."did i mention that i'm blond?" so eventually..but by pure persistence or blind luck it creaked open. "relief" i dump my stuff in the passenger side and "bang goes the door"..ha! not! when i should have heard a "bang" i heard a "thud" CRAP! not this again. "sigh" so off i go to struggle with the trunk to find a bungee cord. thank goodness it didn't take super human strength to get it open and i was back behind the wheel in no time...wrapping one end of the cord to the parking break and the other around the door handle "this is old hat for me" ..the only problem is that the cord has to stretch across my lap...leaving a rather big dent in my leg and making it go numb around the edges..but i must do what i must do...coz car doors are surprisingly heavy when going round corners.

now this strategy works quite well while i'm in the car..the difficult part is when i have to get out and leave the car. that in itself is a process. usually its undoing the bungee cord...sliding into the passenger side and attaching the cord again and locking the doors. you have no idea how hard it is to do this and not look like a complete idiot with my behind hanging outta the car. so i must say that i thanked my lucky starts when i got to timmie's for my usual addiction and the door actually latched..yay! "i hope i can get back in" which i did and the rest of the drive was uneventful and i could feel my leg..bonus.

The beginning of random nonsense

2008-12-09T16:32:00.003-05:00

i was really hoping when i started this blog that i would have tons of things to talk about..i do really have tons i guess i just don't wanna bore you to much and make you all leave but so far my days....other than a few "random adventures" really hasn't been what i would call..."blog worthy"

so i decided..to heck with all that and just be random..i can do random and besides..my boring day just might be considered exciting to others "ok..maybe if your under house arrest or a hermit you might find it worthy of a 4 1/2 star rating" but i said i would blog..so blog i will do...even if it only serves to make you a little crazier :)

so let me think...what has happened over the last few days...hmmmmmm well let's go back to friday..it was a PD Day and i didn't have to work.."YAY! that's cause to celebrate in itself" i lazed around..watched movies..sorta slept in. it was cool. picked up the boyfriend at the bus station at 10:00pm "hadn't seen boyfriend in a month..yes..a MONTH so i'm not going to tell you how the rest of the evening went..none of your business lol"

saturday...we did some running around..got the boyfriend a gym membership..it was quiet funny really. we went to the closest gym to where i live "soon to be where WE live...eek" to get the membership since its good for all of these particular gym locations in the city. plus..i wanted a new hat and its close to the mall. we were greeted by a short, stocky women about 30..who...seriously...had a handshake that could crush steel. even the boyfriend commented on it later as being quite powerful and he's no slouch "he's a big o'l manly man" :) "your welcome boyfriend" her name was marney and she..by far was the perkiest person i've met in awhile..she even put my "perkiness" to the test and i'm perky! now boyfriend and i being who we are "outgoing and friendly" it didn't take long before we had a nice little three way banter thing goin on..boyfriend would bemoan about how i abused him and i would verbally berate his every statement...while marney interjected some wit in now and again to keep a steady balance of verbal sparing going on...."it was fun" so we lobbed the "sarcastic, perky and pun filled ball" around for the duration of signing the boyfriend up to willingly inflict pain upon himself each and every day...all for the low low price of 50 bucks a month "great deal huh?" anyway..things progressed just nicely..we dotted all the "i's" and crossed all the "t's" and were on our way....still bantering with marney as we walked out the door. fun was had by all and it was a pleasent experience considering what he was signing up for. here's where it gets kinda funny...we're on our way to the mall for item number 2 on our list of things to do when i realize that i have missed a call..diel up..check my messages and guess what? its marney...

"Oh hi sandra..its marney from "insert blah blah here" we were having so much fun..i didn't realize that we didn't get your payment..could you please call me back ASAP" laugh?...boy did i laugh. boyfriend is driving..looking at me like "what?"..so i tell him..he laughs and contemplates not going back "bad boyfriend" so i call marney back and we arrange a time when we'll go back and pay. "ok..that wasn't so funny..i guess you had to be there"

i bought a new hat

i went to work (part time job)

it snowed like crazy on sunday so we went for a walk downtown and had breakfast at the market..good food but OMG'ness it would never pass inspection "i try not to think about it" *shudder*

onward and workward....the last couple of days have been stressful..we're trying to wrap things up at work before christmas but i'm having some trouble nailing some people down "some i would really like to take a nail gun to" "ooooh that was violent PG 13 this baby" completing last minute paper work, booking meetings for january and finishing up groups and individual kids. add team christmas party..PD sessions and the boyfriend moving in..this weekend "eek again" its been pretty hairy. i just try to think of 2 weeks off..sleeping in...visiting friends and chillin at home "cleaning i mean, nothing calms me more than cleaning"
speaking of cleaning..i better go do some. still have some purging to do before...."dare i say it again?" this weekend and the boyfriend moving in "eek X 3"

cheers

NSF

2008-12-05T10:27:00.002-05:00

i'm cheesy...P-oh'ed...snarly and grumpy. stupid freakin insurance company! i got a letter in the mail yesterday..sorry to say your in NSF and we require you to make good while paying us a huge fee for the price of sending you this insulting letter. my first response was.."well maybe.." i haven't been the greatest at keeping track of my money. i really knuckled down since this summer..quote "the summer of hell" mainly coz i had to but because its about time i grew up in the area of my life. so anyway..i get upstairs, i turn on the puter, i look everything up and "Voila" everything is fine...their doh heads..everything came out as it should have. "so what's the problem?" i got on the horn..talked to those that i needed to talk to and all is good. or so i thought.

today is a PD day and of course i took this opportunity to sleep in...well about as much as i can anyway..sleeping in is not something i know how to do well. so when the phone rang long before i was ready to venture out of my warm bed and i saw the number i wasn't to impressed "i mean, didn't we get this all straightened out yesterday..let me sleep in darn you." it was the insurance company explaining that it wasn't a mistake they made from november..it was a mistake they made in SEPTEMBER! "excuse me? your tellin me this 3 months later?"

so now..just weeks before the most important..most expensive holiday of the year..they want their money and they want it now!...don't get me wrong..this is not going to break me..really not that big of a deal but its the point of the whole matter. its like when the gov't thinks you owe them money..you had better get it to them before your spit has time to dry on the stamp...but if they owe you money...you can spend months wrapped up in red tape, spend countless hours on the phone and your completely out of band aids to cover up all the paper cuts you get from filling out forms. what a pain in the arse!

anyway..that's my rant. i think i'll go clean now..boyfriend is coming to see me this weekend and while he will learn soon enough how messy i can be..he's not going to find out now lol have a great day people..chat with ya later.

Fat Cat

2008-12-04T07:47:00.003-05:00

everyday my alarm goes off..i hit snooze a hundred times before i drag my ass outta bed to start my day...and everyday my cat is laying in the hall waiting to make sure that i'm actually up and runs off to his food dish to eat every last bit of food that is left. his behaviour in the morning has become so predictable that i now know every single movement..where he will lay down and how many times he will get up and run to his dish the second i twitch. you see..my cat is fat, some people actually just call him fat cat instead of his name. he is fat and he is lazy. he thinks about nothing but food..and being petted and rubbed and loved...to which he will promptly begin to drool on you, cover you with hair and possibly try to suck on your arm. he will drive you insane with his tricks and antics to obtain more food and repay you with a stinky dump in the hall closet "my litter is kept in there, which is killer when your putting on your coat..ewww" but i love him..he's cute and cuddly and has such personality that you can't help but love him. everyone does...minus the fur coat everyone leaves with. i'd really miss him if he was gone. "sigh" i think i'll go give him a snack now..and maybe a little hug.

Delayed cerebral snapes

2008-12-03T22:37:00.003-05:00

you know something else that i realized today...? i'm not having enough fun and i'm being way to serious on here. i don't like that..time for a change

100w lightbulb

2008-12-03T20:21:00.003-05:00

so i realized something about myself today..i'm not to sure on how i feel about it..jury is still out but i wanted to share...and well..that's what you guys are for..right?

i had caseload update with my team leader today, we meet every couple of weeks to go over the referrals i have, what stage of the process i'm in, what i'm doing with the people etc. its also a good time to chat about issues i may have, concerns....that sorta thing. so anyway i have a referral for a large group..and this group is..let's just say immature and outta control. the group leader is having some difficulty getting the group focused. cryptic i know but i can't have my stalker knowing to much about me. to much info just sends him into a frenzy and than its changing phone numbers and moving and alot of hassle "you do know i'm kidding..right?"

anyway...so i'm putting this whole program together and i'm excited about it. i like to individualize my programs to fit the need rather than just grabbing any old thing off the shelf. so my team leader takes a look at it and asks me "what will these people get out of it at the end of this lesson?" and you know what? i couldn't really answer her. i had crammed so much stuff into the lesson that i didn't know what its primary objective was anymore. so i started listing all the things i thought the lesson would provide..which was a very long list and she stopped me and asked me another question "what is the target behaviour you want to change?" simple enough question considering that's what i do for a career..but no..not simple. i realized that i was trying to teach these people too much..all at once. i was trying to rebuild these people..change the way they think on so many levels i lost sight of what i really wanted to accomplish.

boyfriend and i had a discussion the other night that is kinda along the same lines. i have the opinion that the big picture is made up of small things..boyfriend thinks that the big picture is just that..the big picture. now at the time i disagreed 100% but now i'm not so sure. i am not admitting to anything but today made me rethink my stand.

am i doing to my relationship, the same thing i'm doing to my work? trying to focus on a zillion different things at once and not getting anywhere? spending so much time worrying about all those little things that i can't control and trying to control them all at once and losing my mind in the process? could i be doing that? could i have lost sight of what it is i want to accomplish in the relationship? " now go easy on me boyfriend..this just might be a Revelation and i'm in a delicate state."

so as soon as that 100w light bulb went off in my head..i hopped right onto my email and sent my team leader a message...asking for help. and then as soon as the bulb blinked on again " it took abit longer to put it all tgether..i am blond ya know>" i decided to write this blog coz boyfriend is at work and it would be to much to text and i know he'll read this on his way home coz he's one of my "fans" so boyfriend "and yes..you will always be referred to as boyfriend in my blogs." NO gloating..no i was right and you were wrong speeches...no nah nah's..no..you should just do what i say coz you know i'm always right stuff either...just remind me of this day when i start to back slide ok..coz you know it will happen and i'll go all cookoo and control freaky and try to micromanage everything to death. "which sometimes i'll need to do that coz i can't just do a 180 lol" ok? "big cheesy smile"

Weekend bliss and Work Week Blues

2008-12-01T16:49:00.004-05:00

ok..ok know i haven't been around in awhile but i have a really good excuse..i swear...no..really i do. you see...i was visiting my friend dave the other day, met the new squeeze..i think she was his squeeze. maybe i need to clarify that one...don't wanna speak outta turn. hmmm. anyway..he is a movie fanatic. buys them..burns them..has thousands of'em..and well..since i was visiting anyway..i dove in head first and came up with 7 seasons of gilmore girls..some dane cook..will farrell and various others..plus..when i got home from work on friday i had received my "care" package from boyfriend containing the first season of True Blood and episodes 6 and 7 of season 3 of Dexter. "thank you boyfriend"

needless to say that i spent some good quality time this weekend with my comfy clothes, my "kiki" "as my friends little girl would call it" and a very large pile of junk food. i did manage to tear myself away to go to work, clean my apt "well..sorta clean it, not my version of clean but close", and have some little people come visit me "namely, brian, tyler and mackenzie "she calls me sarwa" its so cute! gonna eat her with a spoon one day :)

so all in all it was a pretty good weekend. and now..its..back...to...work. ugh!

don't get me wrong..love my job...its just so slow right now "big sigh". its getting really close to xmas vacation so i'm not getting any referrals...the ones i have are wrapping up and i'm spending WAY to much time in the office. i'm not a sit still and wait kinda girl. i'm a mover and a shaker..wanna get right in there..get my hands dirty but alas..i must sit..and wait. "another big sigh"

Seventeen days

2008-11-25T19:59:00.003-05:00

in seventeen days...in seventeen days the world as i know it..will change. in seventeen days i will embark in a time honoured tradition..in seventeen days..two very distinct and independent personalities will merge into one very small, very cluttered apartment. in seventeen days... boyfriend is moving 200 kms with all his earthly possessions, giving up all he knows..his job, his friends...to come and be with me. "why am i not freaking out..shock maybe?"

you see boyfriend and i have been long distance dating for about 8 months now and obviously at minimum..43 days ago..we decided that long distance wasn't going to cut it anymore. so..we took the plunge. it has been a bit of a rocky process but i think we're both doing ok now...so seventeen days from now..i will have a roomy, a live in lover, partner in crime, com padre, a common law husband "ok boyfriend..relax..its ok..breath, BREATH!"

now down to the nitty gritty. boyfriend is awesome! sweet, understanding, accepting, smart, funny, thinks only of my happiness, looks at me with those eyes...those eyes tell me everything i need to know. he's handy, a talented writer, hard worker, spontaneous, easy going, relaxed and i love him to bits. i love all of those wonderful parts of his personality and "no the nitty gritty doesn't include anything else, those are private talents and attributes ;)." so your probably thinking..ok get on with it..get to the point girl.

my point is..OMG there are some parts of our personalities that are completely different...i'm hyper organized and he is not..not even close lol. i love structure and routine and he loves to fly along quite nicely with the breeze. i love..LOVE lists and well...to him a good list is a list of all the things were gonna do after dark ;) "that's not such a bad list" i believe that big things are made up of the little things and he does a 180. these thoughts have been roaming through my brain..worming there way deep in to my grey matter. causing both of us to be wary at times.

so now that it is only seventeen more days..i'm starting to get excited...and excited to me means...figuring out every detail, making lists, moving things around, purging my apartment, making phone calls and obsessively talking about it to him on the phone every night he calls. for me..this is fun, this is me continuing to maintain control over my world..and for those who have kept current..you know this aspect of my personality. for him...torture. he won't admit it but i'm sure it is very uncomfortable. "sorry doll face"

so this is my official declaration that i will try..try to not be so OCD, to not drive you insane before your underwear has hit the floor, to not organize the hell outta this move..i'll try

Did I mention? I love to rant.

2008-11-24T10:01:00.003-05:00

ok..here's the rant. i have yet to rant on here so i think its high time that i did. DRIVERS..ahhhh i know that everyone complains about other peoples driving but never notices their own defects when it come to negotiating the roads. i will fully admit that there are times i'm a bad driver..i speed, i sometimes do the rolling stop thing and i'll text/talk while driving...which i know is illegal now "which i don't do anymore coz the b/f would kill me" but i have to shake my head in disbelief at some of the things that people will do when on the road.

for example..driving to work this morning..its been a full year now since i moved out of a small town to a reasonsably bigger city and "i find it hilarious that it takes me 30 minutes to drive 11 kms, when i used to drive 50 kms in 45 minutes" but that's neither here nor there..we're talking about dumb drivers right now so quit trying to change the subject lol

as i was saying..driving to work this morning was interesting to say the least. it has been 2 days since we have had any significant amount of snow and yet there was this guy...with 6 inches of icy snow on his roof and back window. needless to say he went whipping around a corner and it dislodged...slid down his windshield, impeding his vision enough that he swerved into the other lane cutting off another car. can you say DUMB and DANGEROUS! not to mention illegal!

changing lanes without looking, running stop lights, wishy washy turns and stops "i mean...make a decision man!",reading the newspaper, applying make up (OMG get a life), juggling coffee..cig and make up all at the same time. these are just a few of the things i see everyday on my morning commutte..DRIVES ME BATTY!

so how bout you tell me what makes you batty...drivers, bad servers, noisy neighbors etc. fill me in so i don't feel so alone in my insanity.

Have a great day people...the ranter has left the building

The "Other" Job

2008-11-22T16:27:00.003-05:00

so its saturday which means its part time job day. yes..i work another job other than my dream day job. i'm a waitress at a local restaurant and while i have been waitressing off and on since i was 13 this is the first time i have ever really don't like it. not to say that its terrible..its just no fun. my last serving job i was a "pub wench"..now that was enjoyable. and a lot more interesting than where i'm headed in about 10 minutes. you could socialize with the staff and customers alike. here..its gett'm in and gett'm out. quick as lightening. quantity vs quality. ick! i'm a quality girl..like to get to know my tables, joke or exchange information. (makes for better tips that way) but also because these people share the planet that i live on. why wouldn't i? *to be continued*

so anyway..i started writing this before i went to work and now its...after work lol i ran outta time to finish it earlier. * attempts to look sheepish * so, as i was saying. getting to know a wide variety of people is awesome...the tidbits of information you get from your customers is astounding..and the regulars! oh the regulars are cool..for the most part..sometimes not good. i loved to see the same people whenever i worked...weekends mostly. you knew them and what they were doin..they knew you and what was goin on with you. it was cool. i recently had a regular..a fav of mine ..die suddenly. i had moved away just shortly before his death and i felt horrid that i didn't see him before it happend. we called him chick. i miss him. here's to you chick!

boy did i ever get off topic...all in all..the point is..that i like to give good quality service with a healthy does of human connection thrown in for good measure. maybe i need to quit this job? hmmmm.

Angels in the snow

2008-11-21T22:16:00.002-05:00

it is snowing like you would not believe out there right now..i don't know about you but i love snow (hate the cold) but snow i love. makes me want to make snow angels...i haven't done one so far this year..still only mid novemeber so i have loads of time to bundle all up...got outside..find a patch of pristine snow...and SPLAT! i turn, look up at the sky and let myself go. knowing that the soft snow will catch me. do you remember when we used to trust like that? never believing that your going to die or get hurt? growing up has its perks but getting older doesn't lol...you know, now that we've been talking about it..i think tomorrow will be a good time to make the first snow angel of the year..we are certainly getting enough of it.

so here it is..i challenge anyone out there, that is the vicinity of snow..to go outside and make a snow angel and than come back and tell me how it felt. k? oh come on...don't sit there and say "yeah right lady..no freakin way" well i say...just do it! you secretly wanna anyway...:)

25 Great Things About Being ADD/ADHD

2008-11-21T13:43:00.002-05:00

25 Great Things About Being ADD/ADHD
1) Lots of Energy
2) Willing to try New Things
3) Ready to Talk and can Talk a lot
4) Gets along with Adults
5) Smart
6) Can do several things at One time
7) Need Less sleep
8) Great sense of Humour
9) Very good at taking care of Younger kids
10) Spontaneous
11) See Details that others miss
12) Understands quite well what its like to be Teased or in Trouble, so are more Accepting of others
13) can Think of many different ways of doing things
14) Volunteers to help others
15) Happy and Enthusiastic
16) Imaginative and Creative
17) Articulate - can say things well
18) Sensitive - compassionate
19) Eager to make new Friends
20) Great Memory
21) More fun to be around than most kids
22) Courageous
23) Warm and Loving
24) Charming
25) Care a lot about Family

Compiled by Learning Summer Camp 1992

Functions of Behaviour

2008-11-21T12:03:00.003-05:00

What is Behaviour?

2008-11-21T12:02:00.004-05:00

This is something that i adapted from various reading material and research. I wanted to be able to give people/teachers etc the right information without all that jargon. This section one of five..more to come later. i can't give ya'll everything all at once..lol you must have a reason to come back and visit. :)

What Is Behaviour? How To Assess It.

REACTIVE approaches such as punishment fail to teach the person acceptable REPLACEMENT behaviours and may reinforce the inappropriate behaviour

The success of an intervention hinges on;

1) understanding WHY the person behaves in a certain way;

2) looking beyond the behaviour and replacing it with a more suitable one that serves the SAME purpose (or results in the same outcome)

Remember the WHY; driven by 2 principles

All behaviour serves a PURPOSE; it allows them to GET something desirable; ESCAPE or AVOID something undesirable; or to COMMUNICATE some other message or need.

Behaviour occurs in a particular context; certain SETTINGS, certain CONDITIONS, certain ACTIVITIES

They will only change their existing behaviour if another behaviour will prove more effective in achieving the same goals

Holiday Stress Tips for Kids and Parents

2008-11-20T16:59:00.003-05:00

Holiday Stress Tips for Kids and Parents

Signs of holidays stress in children can include...

Tears for seemingly minor reasons.

Nervous behaviors ( nail biting, hair twirling)

Complaints, such as stomachaches, headaches, fatigue, diarrhea

Regression to younger behaviors: bed wetting, eating with hands.

Withdrawal from school friends or siblings.

Any behavior that your child doesn’t normally do could be a sign of Christmas anxiety

If your child is experiencing holiday stress symptoms there are a variety of strategies you an use to help them through it.

Know your child’s limits. Being in the spot light with friends and families only adds to the general heightened anxiety of the season. Combining groups of people decrease the travelling and number of parties too attend.

With all the holiday "junk" out there, encourage your child to make good choices when eating.

Drink lots of water and get them outside for some daily exercise.

If your staying over at a strange home, take along items that the child will derive comfort in such as a blanket or stuffed animal.

Spend good quality time with your children. Go tobogganing, snuggle up and read a book, or watch a movies with hot chocolate. Volunteer to help the less fortunate, encourage them to think of those in need of help and good will.

Practice and model positive relaxation techniques. Express your feelings openly, use self talk, and meditation.

And don't forget..have fun..be a kid right along side your chilren. you'll have a much better time..trust me.

Got behaviour?

2008-11-20T15:47:00.004-05:00

ever since i joined up to this site 3 days ago..i have done nothing but think "blog"..what will i write today..what should i write today..should i even write today. i find my self being hyper aware of feelings and experiences just on the off chance it might be interesting enough to put into blog format. "can you say OBSESSED?" there are a million other things i should be thinking about but..no....blog thoughts burst in and erase everything else. "sigh"

now i'm sure "more like hoping" that most bloggers start out that way..frantically blogging daily for the first few days, weeks or even months before the novelty wears off and you can go back to functioning like a normal, blog free-ish human being. "oh please tell me its true coz if its not..i'm in serious trouble." but i really can't see it wearing off anytime soon.."another sigh"

so..on my way home this afternoon..i got to thinking. " how can i spend so much time blogging and still feel good about it?"PING, lightbulb goes off* I've got it! "why don't i incoperate my "work" into the blog?" i can fullfil the need i have to blather on about anything and everything and help people at the same time. "cool!...well i think so anyway." so now your probably wondering..."god, what does she do that could possibly help me?" "ah ha!" well what i was thinking was this...i have worked with kids ages 4-12 for 10 years. the first 2.5 were spent working with children with developmental delays, the next 2.5 were spent teaching literacy to JK/SK students but now..for 5 years i have had the honour to be working the job...my, dream job. i am a behavioural consultant. people come to me for advice on how to help children with their behavioural challenges..you know...all those kids with acronyms behind them..ADD/ADHD, OCD, PDD, ODD, FASD, mental health, broken homes, academic delays, bullying, hunger, communication disorders....you name it..i have probably have seen it. i do love my job though....even when it is heartbreakingly hard work, that has been and will continue to be a complete pain in my arse "and i'm not talkin the kids here" i'm talkin the people that surround the kids....its the parents, teachers, EA's, peers and political bull crap that they deal with everyday that are the real problem..and problem sounds harsh..let's say "snag" instead. now in most cases its not from lack of wanting to help..its the frustration of not knowing where or to whom to to for help.

this is where i come in. so i have decided to dedicate part of my blog over to informing and helping "you" and your kids be more successful in school and at home. i will be posting various strategies that can help you , help your child to be more successful. i will post links "once i learn how to do that" to other sites..pointing you "hopefully" in the right direction if i don't have what you need. and because i will soon be a relaxation therapist as well..i'll post stress and anxiety information along with strategies to help your reduce your stress levels. i think its a fair trade. i blog all i want and my consious is free to feel good about it. "sweet"

so..if you have any questions, suggestions, or want to see something specific..let me know k.

cheers
s

In the beginning

2008-11-18T17:57:00.004-05:00

so anyway..i was crusin around here today and i have to say that i was rather intimidated by the size, depth and content of some of the blogs on here. i mean, wow! blogs about jobs..or designing, how to get organized..and recipe ideas. quite surprising.....i should explain. you see..while i'm not new to blogging (or my versions of blogging) this is the first blog site that i have ever been in or visited. "so where did you blog sandra?" you ask. well..since we are going back to the beginning..it seems like a good place to start. it all began with a trip to Plenty of Fish..aka POF. oh yes..you read right..its a dating site. lol for awhile there....i was living the single life...oh my goodness it was fun! being on a dating site definitly increases your chances of getting dates..and when your cursed with the "no fly zone" (men would not walk up to me and ask me out) i mean ..it was the darndest thing..frustrating as all get out but it did lead me in the direction of internet dating...which then led me to blogging. see...there is a point to all this gibberish. i always get to the point in good time..no..not yet...hold on i'll ge there :)

so there i was..in the giant pond that is called plenty of fish..eagerly awaiting the next email from some "gent"..finding out what he's all about..what made him tick. surfing the profiles..bugging people...being bugged. now if any of you have been on any of these types of sites..you know that you have to fill out a profile. this profile contains all the information your willing to disclose to others in the hopes of finding that "perfect" someone. a daunting task isn't it? how do you sum up who and what you are..dreams..hopes..foilbles...not to mention, you have to sum everything you want in that other person to. (holy crap!)

so i took this as a challenge...my job was to project as much of myself onto a computer screen as possible so that those gentlemen would know or pretty much know who and what i was. so the blogs began. i worte about everything..my day at work..people that cheesed me off...the weather...my evening run. as a result my values, morals and beliefs were right out there for all to see. it paid off in so many ways. 1) i found a wonderful man 2) i met some really good people and 3) i made people think. which is all i ever really want to do. so i intend to continue this little quest...here. and yes..i'm getting to the point.

my point is..be exactly who you are. show the world what you can do. even if its just a little blog...even if only makes one person smile..what you get in return..could make a real difference
cheers
s

And So It Begins. Are you ready?

2008-11-17T19:29:00.000-05:00

i swore and i vowed...i tried to be disiplined keep the priorities right out there in front of me, but alas..i was weak. i told myself i wasn't going to start this blog until i at least cleaned the bathroom..but here i sit..in front of my computer..lotus style of course doin the exact opposite of what i said i was going to do. oh well..the bathroom isn't going anywhere and neither is this blog but isn't that the whole point of blogging? to say something, anything? get our word out there. make a mark of some kind even if it is only the hand print from someone smacking their head after reading this gobbilty gook or as i like to call it..verbal diarrehea?

now because i am an expert at verbal diarrehea..it only stands to reason that i'd be an expert blogger lol now that's not my ego oozing out of my ears...i have this gift...yes..a gift. i can talk about nothing and i have an opinion on everything...:) just call me a women lol

so here i sit...comfey clothes on...warm and toasty with the snow falling in gimongous flakes behind me...preparing to share a small piece of my world with you...to anyone that would listen...to anyone that might hear and think because of some of the things i have say...someone that will keep an open mind and stretch the limits of their thinking...get out of that box! tell me....are you ready?